Showing Them The World
Why travel became part of how we live after loss
I talk about the work we do at JHFH in so many capacities, and for the most part, I keep it positive. I focus on the impact we make on the individuals we support as well as the families. I talk about the smiles during deliveries and the burdens lifted through our gifts.
But another part of our work exists that I don’t often talk about, and it’s being a support for other bereaved moms (and dads).
JHFH started because we lost our son. Its entire premise and existence are because Jake died. We knew that other families like ours existed. And with that comes the very real fear that what happened to us could happen to them, too. And not in the typical way that parents fear the worst, but in a way that is more possible and, in some cases, even probable.
The thing is, just because you know it may happen, it doesn’t make it easier. In fact, sometimes you know it’s a reality, but it’s not one that you are willing or able to face. And if it happens, it doesn’t matter if you were supposed to expect it; it still robs you of an entire life and of everything that you knew about the world. Your world is forever altered.
Last week, I met with Erica, a mom who lost her daughter, Emmie, on 12/10/25. She was going through this as I was reeling in the memories of Jake dying on 12/8/10. My heart broke a little extra with Emmie’s passing for many reasons — partially the timing, but also because this was a family we worked with quite a bit over the years and one that we really connected with.
I met Erica for coffee, and we talked for over two hours. And while I hated that the reason we were together was the loss of our children, I found myself lighter when we left. There are so many aspects of Jake’s life that I can’t speak to anyone else about — either they can’t begin to understand, or they have their own feelings and emotions around it.
We talked about the shitty things doctors said, we talked about the guilt of whether you did enough, we talked about the challenge of being the voice for a voiceless child, we talked about that gut feeling that tells you something is off but that you don’t always listen to, and we talked about how much we just miss them and wish we could hold them again.
I talked about how we chose to honor Jake — not just through the organization but through living. I shared how we booked a trip to Disney just a few months after Jake died. I shared the struggle around that and how hard it is to accept that the reason you are now able to take the trip is that your child, who could never have survived a plane trip, is gone, so the idea of ‘now we get to’ is incredibly hard to process. But I also shared that doing it was the right choice for us, and that we chose to believe that when we travel, Jake is even more with us, experiencing it all with us.
I remember that first trip to Disney vividly, and I think it unleashed in me so much about how I choose to live now. And that is still how we live and believe. Jake is with us on all trips.
Ironically, as I write this, I am on the plane to Disney, and it has me all in my memories. I remember how easy parenting felt with just Ethan and how relaxed I could be. And I remember struggling with that idea, and that struggle still follows me. Not that parenting is easy, and I think it’s even harder when you know child loss because I know I could never survive it again. And that heaviness exists not only within me but around me, but I also remember the importance of finding joy and laughing again. Laughter and joy matter, and it helps, and I am smiling as I write this, thinking of when I was showing off my hula hooping skills on Main Street all those years ago.
In our conversation, Erica, Emmie’s mom, shared that she and her family booked a trip too. And for their family, it will be their first time traveling together, aside from places that can be reached by car. I hope that it becomes a tradition and a comfort for them, as it has for us, that when you travel, you show those you lost the world and while it looks different, the closeness of them to you matters.
Jake’s Help From Heaven is running its Annual Birthday Campaign through 5.31.26. If you want to support our work, you can donate directly to the campaign or become a paid subscriber to this newsletter. All proceeds go directly to JHFH.
Choose Joy. Take the Trip. Hug your people and tell them you love them.
XO,
Heather